June 26, 2008
Entry 0031.
My birthday was a good one! Just me and my Mom all day. Sat around, watched television, and went to this little dock in this one part of town and fed these really creepy fish. No idea what regular, everyday fish in a pond are called, but they are normally only the size of maybe a baseball, but there are three or four of them that are about the size of a medium-sized shark. We fed them three bags of moldy bread. Oh yeah, and my sunglasses. I accidently dropped them in. It was funny. For dinner we just went to the downtown diner-like place. The hostess was a bitch. She sat us at a dirty table and then complained when she had to clean it, which she did not do very well. But dinner was still good. My Mom bought me some books, DVDs, and a sketchbook. And my Grandparents gave me some cash. I was going to go and buy clothes with it, but I am rethinking it. I have a lot of tops and what not. Maybe I will get a skirt or something, but I think I might just spend the money on random things I want. Or maybe save it.
Anyway, I have been staring at this sketchbook for two days and cannot bring myself to start in it. I am afraid of screwing a page up and having to rip it out. I hate ripping pages out. And when I do come to rip them out, I want to abandon the book altogether. So I am just staring at it… wishing for inspiration or something. I need to find some old magazines and maybe do a collage. I will have to check out jr__nal. A lot of the people on there are extremely talented. I wish I had even a drop of it. Maybe that is what I will spend my cash on… some magazines and art supplies.
As for my writing I am still in a rut. I have one sentence that I came up with. One sentence. Not really sure where to go with it or where to start on this memoir thing I want to do. I probably am just second guessing myself too much, but I cannot help it. I am a girl with OCD. If you want to help me out, post images: photographs, drawings, whatever to help me get inspired to write something. I would love it.
Oh! And some more good news or information: I got a job. I did not even have to look or apply for it. The school gave it to me. They said I qualify for being able to work in like the library or bookstore on campus since I am a full time student. It won’t be anymore then 20 hours a week and I will get paid enough to pay for my gas for the week, plus have maybe a good thirty bucks left over for whatever. I miss that… having money to spend. Not sure when I am starting, but I go in on Monday to turn in my paperwork. Hopefully I can start within the next few weeks. Start getting some cash in my pocket.
So I am going to go and read for a while. Maybe attempt to start my sketchbook. I have to get up early tomorrow. I have a doctor’s appointment to get my ankle checked out. I hope I don’t need some annoying bandage around it.
June 07, 2008
Brain + Information = Explosion of my Head
My head is so full. I have no idea how I am going to remember all this information for this coming week’s classes. I think I might have a Psychology exam on Wednesday, so I am in the middle of studying the four chapters. So far I have gotten through two. Two in three hours. I have been taking these online practice tests, going over what I got wrong- highlighting my book and what not- then retaking the exams until I get an A. Hopefully this method of studying will help me out. I don’t know why, but this semester of Psychology is just not grasping my attention. Well, it is, but I am just not processing the information properly I guess. Tomorrow I should have studied all the chapters, so I will just review those once or twice tomorrow. And then I will solely focus on Biology of Human Sexuality! The subject: Male Reproductive Parts. Exciting… not really. It would be easier if this week was female parts because I have those and understand the function of those, but yeah. Life has to be a challenge.
I am officially not on speaking terms with my Grandparents anymore. I would rather not go into the whole situation because it is just a pain in the ass, but all I am going to say is that I am just sick and tired and being let down by the two of them. Forget my Grandmother, who always let me down, but I am just so disappointed with my Grandfather. I used to be able to ALWAYS count on him. Now, I cannot count on him for anything. He is slowly turning into his Mother as each day passes- and if you know his Mother, you know that it is not a good thing… it is like if Hitler had a baby and that baby was growing up more like Hitler everyday. Yeah… that bad.
I feel like such a bum. Not only did I miss all my classes last week, but I did not even do anything creatively… like my photography or something. I guess I caught up on my reading, but that doesn’t take up that much time to do. I have wanted to take my camera out and get new photos, but the weather is not agreeable. Either it is so hot that you want to just shove your head in the sewer because that would be more enjoyable or it is raining that sharp rain that pierces your skin. I actually love shooting in the rain, but when it starts hurting your skin there is a problem. Like I say every weekend or whatever, I will try to do better this upcoming week. I think maybe on Monday after school I will go to the cemetery across the street and take some new photos… wander in a part of the cemetery I have not explored yet… not that there is much to explore because it is so small to begin with. I think a lot of people must cremate in Florida because in my five/six years of living here, I have only come across three cemeteries and that is in like a good 500 mile radius. Strange…
Anyway, my twenty minute break from studying is up. I need to get back to the books.
———
I forgot to post about this earlier. My self esteem must be at an all time low because last night I was dreaming I was at the mall. Now, whenever I actually go to the mall I always wear my sweats because that is what I am comfortable in while walking around shopping, but at the same time I feel like people stare. Whatever. Anyway, I was dreaming I was walking through the mall and I was wearing the white fur coat I used to have when I was 6. (Not real fur, don’t worry) Anyway, that coat I HATED. I thought it made me look like a caterpillar and I could never move my arms up in it. ANYWAY! Back to the dream: I am walking through the mall and I hear a group of girls who are around my age saying “Look at her… ew… Miss Porky! No, Miss Porky Caterpillar! Hahaha!” I swear, it is worse then when I dream that I forget to wear a bra to school…
June 02, 2008
Weekends… PAIN IN THE BUTT.
Weekends are a pain in the butt. They totally throw me off for the rest of the week. Yesterday I slept until noon, so I could not sleep until 3AM this morning. So I decided not to go to classes today, which I am mad about, but I ended up checking my e-Mail and found out that my second class was cancelled anyway. So I feel a little bit better. I just need to really study my Psychology. I am going to catch up and read everything later today. My first exam: 76%… not good enough for me. I need at least a B on an exam otherwise I freak out.
So my blog has been down for two or three weeks, I know. The bandwidth was used up. Not good, I know. It wasn’t just from this site, though, but a few of them. I need to try and purchase some more bandwidth for the site, but my cash flow is probably in the negatives right now. But my birthday is coming up soon, so maybe I can get it for my birthday. Anyway, sorry about that. I did update my 28 Books section. I read three books in, like, four days. I am still way behind, I have another 20 books to go in six months, but I can do it. Another thing is, that I am looking at the list and am realizing that all my books are either Psychology or Holocaust related. I swear I do not do it on purpose, I just end up buying or checking out books that I have interest in and those are the two topics I am very interested in. I will have to go to the library tomorrow and pick something different out. That will be my goal for the week: Read a novel that is not Psychology or Holocaust related.
Oh my gosh. I forgot about this until I just opened my iTunes just now and got really angry. Anyway, on Wednesday or Thursday I was updating my desktop computer- the family computer that has all the photos and iTune purchases and so forth on it. Well, something went wrong and corrupted and destroyed the hard drive. So now I lost ALL my iTune purchases. Well, not all of them, but most of them. Mostly videos I bought. I am so mad because I bought $20 worth of videos the night this happened. I got the watch them all, but it was a whole season of The Tudors and I did not get a chance to back them up because I only had one blank disk… not ten. UGH. And Apple said they cannot do anything about it. They suggested I repurchase. Well, I would if I HAD MONEY. I am flat broke. I hate not having money. It really sucks. Especially when I need all this random stuff that I cannot really get by without… aka a bra and tampons. Sorry if that is too much information, but yeah. I need to figure out a quick money making idea.
Anyway, I am going to go and make up bad word filled songs about Apple and unload the dishwasher.